Next week’s Rock Band songs are a 6 pack by Coldplay.

This lets me combine two of my favorite things: Rock Band and sleeping.

Me: I’m not drunk, ask me any math question.*

Kevin: What’s the square root of -1?

Me: You can’t take the square root of a negative?

Kevin: No. It’s “i.”

Me: That’s some bullshit.

*Disclaimer: I suck at math.

Me: I’ll make you a deal, if you don’t get hooked on meth, I won’t get hooked on meth.

Kevin: So I can still have a little meth?

Me: No.

Kevin: But that’s not what you said, you said “addicted.”

Me: No meth.

Kevin: So I can’t just have some casual meth. You know, get together with my friends before we go out. A little pre-mething.

Hellz yeah.

We’re bringing it back.

I saw a classified for the drug seizure auction the other day.  Among the Escalades and Tahoes with 26″ wheels, they’re offering a 02 Chevy Prizm.  If you’re a drug dealer and are driving a Prizm, it’s time to reevaluate your job performance.

The fuel that keeps a Kevin running.

I always love it when you see someone on the news after a drug bust, saying “we can’t have that in our neighborhood.”  I’m curious… exactly what neighborhood is that okay in?  How can you tell – do you go based on the name?  “Hmm.., there’s Brookview, Autumn Woods, and Meth Creek….”

“You know how you can tell a good Waffle House? The number of letters lit up on the sign. Best one I ever ate at – ‘Wa Ho.’”

Thanks to M. for this story.

Sometimes the side effects seem like they would be worse than the condition you’re trying to cure.

The warnings on Kevin’s antibiotics:

So, after they put the silk hat on his head, Frosty the Snowman immediately notices that the sun is hot that day.  His first thought as a living, sentient being, and he’s already contemplating his own thermally-hastened mortality.